how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
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