Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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