I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
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