i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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