It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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