i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Randomize
