Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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