My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize