those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Randomize
