ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize