He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
