I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
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