They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
