Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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