i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Randomize
