If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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