Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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