Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
