I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
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