i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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