The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
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