so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
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