I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
