If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
