Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
All the doctor said was why
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