My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
