sorry about calling you the devil all night.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
