I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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