why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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