Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
