I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
