so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
