i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
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