Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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