No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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