but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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