I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
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