can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I am puke
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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