i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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