she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
