I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
