I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
