24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
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