My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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