i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
