im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
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