The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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