I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize