i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
