you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
