the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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