i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
