I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
