i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
