why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize