HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
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