Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Randomize
