How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Dignity is for republicans.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize
