what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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