i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
