Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
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