Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
