I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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