Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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