i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
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