I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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