when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
