and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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