her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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