Barsexuality is the new black.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
I am midnight drunk by noon
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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