i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Randomize
