I didn't shave. On purpose
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
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